Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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