HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
