I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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