i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
