I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Randomize
