i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
