Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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