Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
