Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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