My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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