and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
