Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(703): View more from Virginia

Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.

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(905): View more from Ontario

the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster

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(218): View more from Minnesota

Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.

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(979): View more from Texas

I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...

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(406): View more from Montana

i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.

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(646): View more from New York

Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit

(646): View more from New York

The facepaint not the blacking out

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.

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