theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
