have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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