Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
