I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
