somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I am naked and annoyed.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
