Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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