Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Sext me about skeletons
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