just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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