Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
She told me I should be a condom model.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
