I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
