thus making me awesome and them whores
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
