So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
How many fucks given?
0.12846
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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