Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She bit a glass in half.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
