That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
