Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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