and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
