i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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