Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
