I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
