your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
