Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Just cropdusted the office
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
