look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
