You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
