you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
