I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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