Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
