i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
