He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
