so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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