You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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