found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
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