I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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