how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
