Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
