he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
