He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
