Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
