my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Randomize
