I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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